I Am What's Wrong with America

I have finally stopped tossing the blame, and I am accepting responsibility.

I am what's wrong with America: The other day, I feed my children macaroni and cheese for lunch, while I ate a veggie laden filled wheat tortilla wrap for my lunch.

Why didn't we eat the same thing? Why would I go through the energy to make two different lunches? I just didn't want to hear them complain. Uh...really. I know. (hanging head in shame.) It's just that they complain about E.V.E.R.Y. dinner I make.

I can't take it anymore.

But, really, shouldn't I? Isn't that my job as a mother, to listen to their complaints and try to educate and do the right thing...anyway?

Our dinners for the most part are very healthy. It is usually grilled chicken (in olive oil), grilled talapia, chicken tacos, or a crock-pot version of tacos. These dinners are always served with a veggie, and sometimes a fruit salad or fruit. And never, well almost never, with dessert. That isn't to say that my children never eat junk food because...

...I am to blame for what I put in their lunches. Usually I try to put something healthy with a junk food snacky-ish item in there. But, you know...the healthy item, I have learned, isn't that healthy. Like really...applesauce isn't healthy...cut up peach pieces aren't healthy? Nope.

They are loaded with sugar!!

"Consumption of refined sugar has skyrocketed. Whereas our genes developed in an environment where one person consumed at most 4 pounds of honey in a year, human sugar consumption rose to 11 pounds a year in 1830 and a shocking 150 pounds a year at the end of the twentieth century." (Anticancer, A New Way of Life, New Edition)

And, did you know: the PET scan commonly used to detect cancer simply measures the ares in the body that consume the most glucose. If a particular area stands out because it consumes too much sugar, cancer is very likely the cause. (Anticancer, A New Way of Life, New Edition)

So, while I used to think I wanted to eat healthy to be skinny, I now know that I need to eat healthy to be well...healthy. There is no substitute. And, in our over-processed, sugar eating world, it's getting harder and harder.

But there are little things that I can do. For example:

• instead of applesauce, I can place a yummy apple in there
• for snacks, instead of cheese and crackers, we can do celery with peanut butter, greek yogurt, carrots (if I offer them they may eat them right?)
• no soda (which we drink almost never anyway)
• eat more oatmeal, all-bran, or Special K
• eating whole grain/multi grain pasta
• using natural sweeteners: agave nectar (found at our local grocery store), stevia or truvia
• drink water (boy has this made a difference in my skin)
• think fresh eat fresh - raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, cucumbers, green peppers, celery, spinach (you know the list)

Mostly eating foods with a low glycemic index.

I need to teach this eating style to my children...for every meal. Their lives may depend on it. No, their lives DO depend on it.

I know it should be easy. I just don't need to buy the stuff.

Everyone get your earplugs ready. There is no reason you should have to hear my children complain.

Wish me luck.

the t-rex is hungry

We have figured out that the t-rex is hungry!

(If you are wondering what I am talking about, read HERE.)

So, do you remember when Michael Phelps was in the Summer 2008 Olympics, and all they could talk about was how much he ate because of his workouts. His breakfast was the amount of food that I would eat in the course of one day.

Well, a few weeks before Christmas, Steve ramped up in workout, by a lot! But, he didn't eat anymore than he had been. Umm...have you seen him...he's only 10.2% body fat. His poor body had nothing to pull from and so ensued our Christmas day and BYU game episodes.

They were scary to experience.

His body was needing nutrition, and didn't know how to ask for it.

I think a please would have sufficed.

We are thinking he has hypoglycemic induced anxiety.

I am a little frustrated with doctors right now! I feel like unless it is a broken leg they can see on an x-ray, they know nothing...or, don't care to take the time to find out. I don't know which came first--like the chicken or the egg--but it sure seems like doctors just want to give you a pill. Is that because patients just want to take a pill and forget about it, or because doctor's just want to give a pill and forget about it.

I feel like if Steve had just taken the medication he'd been given and we never figured out about the hypoglycemia there could have been really serious future ramifications. Anyway...

With this newfound knowledge, he has embarked on a journey. There is truly a connection between how he eats and how he feels. Phew. We feel like amid a few setbacks, we are making some progress.

And, I'll take it.

Who Flipped the Switch?

About Alayna. My little sunshine has hit that milestone where she is afraid of monsters in the dark. Well she actually hit it this past summer and I thought we were past it. Nope. Once fall arrived, much to my frustration, I felt like I was dealing with a newborn again. Most nights she would come into our room just once, but once in a while it would be twice. Nothing I did seemed to make a difference. She was scared...

...but now, she is sleeping in her bed all night! Nothing is different; it's just like someone flipped a switch.

About Steve. Well, we think we finally have figured out the t-rex that is chasing him: anxiety. We are still in the early stages of figuring it out, but he has medicine that he is suppose to take if he is going into a stressful, anxiety inducing situation.

It was going to the BYU game with Ethan and his dad that helped to figure it out. Dad realized as the noise in the Marriott Center increased, Steve's shortness of breath increased. He ended up going to first aid and they were able to measure his oxygen levels and heart rate and all was good.

This incident prompted Steve to call and talk with his doctor about alternative possibilities. I don't know why the switch was flipped and he suddenly feels this anxiety. But it has.

At least, here we are today...with hope on the horizon that life can return to "normal."

Why Do We Cry?

Really, why do we cry? I mean, ...an ocean's worth of tears won't change anything.

It isn't pretty: the eyes get swollen, they turn red, your nose runs which you then constantly have to blow which is never attractive.

Is it to communicate something that I can't voice because it would just make me too vulnerable? Like that I just need a hug. Do animals cry...I don't mean tears of pain, but of sadness? Or is that what makes us human?

I feel like I have cried more since November than I have these 5 years since the trial of all my miscarriages.

Health trials are just the hardest. There is no way to prepare for them because many of them show up out of the blue, unwelcomed and unwanted. My church advocates self-preparedness by having a year's worth of food storage (it's a work in progress for us) and to have money in a saving's account (another work in progress) all for a rainy day. And, I have seen the advantage of these.

I am so ready for my family to be healthy.

A Healthful New Year...Maybe Not.

I was so on board with my brother-in-law, who said, "Here's hoping for a healthful new year...'cause 2010 was a drag!" (Click here to read his story.)

I have started to make a few health changes, especially in my eating. I've given up sugar once again. And trying to eat more fruits and vegetables and fiber and protein.

I was so ready for 2011 to be the year of health for my family.

But, I was knocked off my rocker today when I found out that yet another very dear, loved one in my family is fighting breast cancer. My beloved Aunt.

I went from disbelieving to outraged in a matter of minutes! I wanted to seriously go scream from my rooftop, nightgown and all, for cancer to.leave.my.family.alone!

I am feeling so overwhelmed with the worry and concern for the three people in my life that have health struggles right now. My heart can't take it. I think I'd better invest in some tissues.

There is such beautiful imagery in the Book of Mormon of the Savior gathering his people to him "as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings" for protection and safety. I am ready for my family to be gathered. --3 Nephi 10:4-6

My dear sister-in-law wrote this on her blog:

I HATE you cancer.

It made me recall a saying on the inside of a card that I got years ago from someone else who was battling cancer. I thought I would share these words as they brought me a small amount of comfort this morning.

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit
-Anonymous

I love these words and the truthfulness of them.

While my husband isn't battling cancer, after his Christmas ER trip twelve days ago, we still don't know what is causing his continued symptoms: shortness of breath, heart palpitations, dizziness, lightheadedness. The doctors so far, from both the Holter Monitor and the echocardiogram (ECG) think his heart looks fine. (I keep telling him he has a sexy heart. haha) I love you sweetie and hope we get this thing figured out soon!

It's still early in the year, and I believe that it can turn around. There needs to be opposition in all things right, so we can enjoy the good because of the bad. So, I'm still hoping for a...

...healthful new year.

Running from A T-Rex for an Hour

Today was not our typical Christmas.

Not in many respects.

This morning was great and it was so fun as usual to watch the children and to remember how I felt at Christmas as a child. Being sad when the presents were gone--not because the presents were actually gone, but because the feeling that comes with opening each present--each surprise -- is on hiatus for another year.

I had a hard morning because I didn't really have a present for Steve. Well, I did have one, and I had ordered it, and was just waiting to wrap it in my favorite Christ

mas wrapping paper when my very generous sister and brother-in-law sent us the same product, by a competitor, which we found out by mistake. So, instead I wrapped his present in brown shipping paper and sent it to their products return department. Which meant I was empty handed for Steve.

I guess the background info that is needed here is that I am always spoiled on Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries by my husband. And, while I want to spoil Steve with the same joy, it's hard because he is hard to shop for because he wants things from the tech world that is just not my world. Therefore he understands better what he wants more than I do, and can find the best deal or the exact thing he wants.

Back to being empty handed for Steve. So, I asked him for ideas and he told me he needed to think. He was at a loss. So was I. Fast forward until Wednesday, when I suddenly realized that I don't have anything under the tree for him from me. I came up with a few ideas-those standby ideas, but not so excited to give ideas. And, I know that Christmas is all about the giving. I enjoy

that part of it so much.

This feeling isn't typical for me, because I can usually come up with a gift for Steve that he is excited to get, hard as it is. So, I was feeling pretty low about that. But, guess what, that suddenly didn't matter anymore because...

...we spent part of our Christmas in the ER.

For Steve.

We were driving over the river and through the woods to his parent's house and I was trying to talk with him and he just wasn't responding. Given how I was feeling about

things, I was feeling even more low, until he held up his hand and said that he was having a hard time breathing. He'd been having these episodes for the last two weeks and had made them seem like no big deal. I just thought that if I gave him a few minutes he could get it under control. I knew things weren't getting under control when he asked me to pray for him. So, now I am freaking out...on the inside.

As we keep driving he says it's getting worse and he really can't catch his breath. Of course the obvious decision is to go to the hospital. So, now I am freaking out even more.

We were there for about 3 hours. They ran some tests, checked his heart, and took some x-rays.

Under my Facebook status--well, we've had an ER Christmas...with Steve. I am so grateful to the doctors and nurses who work on holidays. Steve was so excited to be spending Christmas with me that his heart was beating really fast!--here is what Steve says about his experience, "All tests came back great...Fit as a fiddle...Just an uncertain heart problem which they are thinking is arrhythmia. Shortness of breath and rapid heart rate...pretty terrifying. Think adrenaline rush x100 at an almost constant rate for over an hour. They had to drug me to get my breathing and heart rate stabilized. Now I feel like I ran from a T Rex for an hour."

Me too.

Emotionally.

(remember, I am an emotional giant?)

But, it is a merry Christmas. We are and have been surrounded by family--here and afar--all day! I love family! I am so glad to know that families are eternal and forever!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Christmas Happiness

Christmas happiness is...

listening to songs that focus on our Savior on the radio. I love the songs that focus on the Savior at this time of year, there are so many of them; two of my favorites are Mary, Did You Know and Josh Groban's version of O'Holy Night which is ah-mazing! These songs resonates with me.

Christmas happiness is seeing my boys perform in their school program and to see my son get the biggest smile on his face and to point me out to the classmate next to him...even though we'd had a terrible night the night before.

And while we're talking about songs, Christmas happiness is listening to my daughter sing the words to the Christmas songs. She loves music so much, like her daddy, and wants to try to learn the words to every song. When she and I go to pick up the boys, we usually listen to the Christmas playlist on my ipod. She will climb up into my lap and we sing the songs, out loud, together. I want to cherish these moments with her forever.

Christmas happiness is watching my kids enjoy the new traditions that we are doing this year as I try to give them the gift of memories. In addition to our picnic by the Christmas tree this year we added a movie, gingerbread houses and a "sleepover" by the tree.

And, oh my, the baking. Christmas happiness is having a reason to bake. I love baking. One of the other traditions that I started a few years ago is to have homemade cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. It's the only time of the year that I make them and they are delicious! Like Cinnabon, I add vanilla pudding to my dough and they are perfect! My kiddos love them and ask for them now. And, have I mentioned the yummy treats that have been dropped off by our great neighbors! We are so blessed to live in such an area where I actually know the people who live around me.

Christmas happiness is spending time with my family. Although he won't have as much time as last year, Steve gets to spend a few days with us at home...well, not actually at home because we always seem to do something fun when he is around. He brings the fun to our family for sure. I enjoy my boys when they aren't bored and fighting. And, they are big enough that we can play games. In fact, they bring their own little version of fun to the different games we play. We were playing Apples to Apples the other day (which is quite fun with Laney - her randomness because she can't read yet) and they said that you were whatever cards you won. We got the biggest kick out of that.

Christmas happiness is knowing the true reason for the season. It is knowing that a Savior was born who is our elder brother. That He knows my name, my trials, my dashed hopes, and my tears...because he felt them, for me, and for you. And, knowing that Christ leaves with us a peace that only he can give.