The Balancing Act

Some days I feel like all I am doing is trying to balance some piece of my life.

And, instead of being the tiny little mouse that scurries across the tightrope with speed and agility, I am an elephant.

A rather large elephant who staggers and stumbles with no coordination what so ever, and in that teetering moment of lost balance tumbles to the floor, hopefully to be caught by a safety net.

Quite early the other morning, I was in my bed with my ipad, awake after saying goodbye to Steve. I kept hearing this crinkling sound. I didn't realize that any of the kiddos were awake and wondered what it could be. After listening intently for a few minutes, I figured it could only be coming from Ethan's room.

Yep, he was awake.

And, eating junk food in his room.

I was immediately mad.

I was still mad a few days later.

Anyhow, that morning, I quite calmly asked him what he was eating.

His response was to lie and say, "Nothing."

I wasn't born yesterday.

So, I pulled down his covers and wah-la, there was the offending piece of evidence: a bag of chocolate chip bunny crackers.

Convicted!

Found guilty!

In my court of law.

All I told him was that if he was hungry he should be eating breakfast--eggs, oatmeal, protein yogurt--not something sugary that isn't going to fill him up. Then I left.

Truly.

Enter the elephant on a tightrope.

I don't want food to become an issue. But, how do I not make it an issue when he behaves like this? I thought we were past this behavior. He used to "take" (or when I am really in a mood I say "steal") food--a lot. Let me clarify: He would take junk food a lot. I would find wrappers in his trash can, under his bed, or any other place he would stick them. So, for the most part I stopped buying junk food. These bunny crackers were the last vestige of junk food that I had bought for a few summer outings and our plane trip to Maryland.

I thought he had matured a little, stopped taking food. I mean he has experienced plenty of consequences for taking that other food.

Now I have to ask myself if I was just naive or if he really had stopped.

The last thing I want is for food to be an issue. There are so many challenges that come with this. I really feel like we are trying to educate our children on healthy food versus unhealthy food. Boy does America really not understand this concept. It has taken years and many conversations for this information to sink into my head. It was a sad day when I realized that my waffle with syrup was as equally unhealthy as cinnamon rolls. Our favorite game to play at the dinner table is, "What's healthier x or y?" I think Steve and I are setting good examples for them. Experts say that setting an example is important. I'm a little frustrated, why isn't my example working?

And, the appalling thing, it's not like Ethan doesn't get tons of junk and candy. I can't believe the amount of junk he gets at school. The only junk food I remember getting when I was his age was the oatmeal cream pie that my mom bought for our lunches. Even those were rare. I had a better chance of spotting a white tiger in my neighborhood than of getting an oatmeal pie in my lunch. (There were five of us and they didn't last long!) I don't know if this is just where I live, but, my kids come home from school with candy at least once a week. They either get it because it was someone's birthday, or because of trading post, a mini traveling store where they earn "money" for making right choices that visits the classes on Fridays. Or in their current school they have something similar called Auctions.

In the end, after taking some good advice from my sister, I just gave him a simple consequence of being in his room, so that I could move on.

I get so frustrated by this because Ethan is such a great kid in almost every other area. Why does he struggle so much here?

This balancing act, I hate it!

I wish I could just sprout wings and fly.

By the way, I didn't gloss over the fact that he lied to me. We had a long talk about expectations and lying.

Scars on Our Soil

Undoubtly today, on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, people's minds are turned to the horrific events of that day and what America was like before, what America was like during and what America is like after.

For me it's hard not to reflect on the personal, individual stories that day. I mostly remember the stories that arose out of United flight 93...a time when democracy was at its best. But, undoubtedly the iconic images are the WTC, the planes flying and crashing into, the fireball, and the plumes of black smoke.

I was fortunate on my trip home to visit two of the three sights and memorials where disaster struck that day: the Pentagon and Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

I thought each memorial was well thought out and reflected what happened that day.


THE PENTAGON

When the Pentagon memorial was described to me, I couldn't picture it. But, upon seeing it it all made sense.

Each person who fell victim to the terrorists that day has a bench with a pool underneath which is lighted at night.


The person's name is etched onto the edge of the bench seat.

If the person died that day with family members, the names of the family members are etched into a plaque that is at the edge of the pool like this:


If a victim died in the Pentagon their bench is facing the Pentagon, and if the victim died in the plane crash their bench faces away from the Pentagon.

Thanks to my mom for sending me this last picture; her photo quality was so much better than mine.

SHANKSVILLE, PENNSYLVANIA

Years ago, I read two great books about United Fight 93 that really helped me to understand and to know the heros on board that day: Let's Roll, by Lisa Beamer wife of Todd Beamer and Among the Heros. From the passenger bios in the second book, I really felt like if the passengers had been able to commandeer the plan from the terrorists that they would have had a chance to land the plane in safety due to the skills of some of the passengers.

Pictured below is the future memorial being dedicated on September 11, 2011.

The white wall, on the right, is the flight path the plane was taking. If you keeping following it to the right, D.C is 20 minutes away be plane. The gray building on the left will be where visitors go first and will be given the presentation of what happened that day and then they will be able to walk up the white wall which is made of 44 panels, one for each person. Not pictured here, about 30 yards from the white wall following the flight path is a boulder that denotes the place where the plane actually crashed.

A couple of things that I learned while I was visiting the temporary memorial was that rescue workers found an intact bible from the plane, only the edges were singed a little bit. It's hard to believe that anything could survive the fireball from the crash with about 7,000 gallons of fuel exploding. The other was that the heros on that flight never breached the cockpit. And, because of the black box voice recording the FBI knew that the terrorists decided to crash the plane in the field instead of risk the passengers getting into the cockpit and not letting them reach their intended target of the Capitol Building. Also, in an attempt to stop the passengers from getting into the cockpit, the terrorists inverted the plane and that was how it was when it crashed.

Inside the building where the FBI conducted it's headquarters, was information about the heros aboard United 93 and the rescue effort, and the first responders.

Here was a panel with the flight crew and passengers.

As a subtle point, that I almost missed, and I bet a lot of people do, is that the names of the terrorists are never listed and they are always referred to as terrorists. And rightfully so, I say. I don't think they should be humanized and that they should be recognized for what they are...plain and simple terrorists.

Every Ending Brings a New Beginning

That is where we are right now.

Laney and me.

She started school two weeks ago. And while I am really excited for her to explore the new world of school-- new friends, teachers, backpacks, learning--it is the end to a time I have loved; Laney and mommy time.



Doesn't she look darling in her school uniform?

We have been two points on opposite ends of the spectrum. For her, school couldn't come soon enough, and for me, I felt like we have been hurled to that day with the excessive speed possessed of a jet liner as it flies through the air.

Why do i feel this way? Maybe because it took so much heartache and tears to get her here (6 miscarriages), maybe because she is our caboose, maybe because she is sunshine to me, and maybe because it was just "our" time together. She is my only child that I have been able to spend so much one-on-one time with.

As for me, I am trying to focus on the positive. Although this is the time I have dreaded since the day she was born.

I guess what I really mean is next year, because this year she is only gone for three hours. I can fill three hours. I mostly plan on filling them with exercise and enjoying the peace and quiet to work on my Sunday school lessons. So, it really is next year, but this is the first step in getting us to next year.

I dread it!

How am I going to fill seven hours? I am so afraid that I am going to feel lonely. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble by worrying about something that isn't even here yet, but I am a planner. And I know I can't possibly plan enough to keep me busy for that many days and that many hours a day.

It does bring me peace to know that the Lord has a plan for me, even if I don't know what it is yet. He hasn't led me wrong before and I have no reason to start now. I am walking by faith.

For now, Laney loves school and I revel in it.

It Really was a Dive (3 of 3 posts)

When we pulled up, and all I could think was, "Wow, this place is a dive!"

Wouldn't you think so too? It's the building on the left.

Well, what did I expect, the show is called Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

We decided to fly out of Pittsburgh on our way back home because that was the airport closest to Deep Creek Lake. Steve had seen this "restaurant" in Pittsburgh reviewed on the show and knew that he wanted to go there. Thank goodness for the GPS; how did people ever find places before those were invented. The GPS made this detour off the beaten path an easy adventure.

And, boy is Big Jim's off the beaten path.

But the food was delicious and worth the drive. The service was mediocre at best, but the guy (a waiter or maybe the owner, not really sure who) was able to recommend some favorites. The sandwiches were huge and my mouth was watering at the sight of them. Steve and I ordered different sandwiches and shared them; we ordered the Reuben and the Veal Parmigiana.

It really makes me want to try other dives on the show. =)

Miscellaneous Happenings in Maryland (2 of 3)

Sadly, this may be my last Maryland post...for awhile.

sigh.

This was honestly the best trip home I have had in a long time because of a combination of many reasons. I feel like because we were there for so long I was able to do a lot of what I wanted to do: a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

We spent a lot of time at the pool in Paige's neighborhood. Noah was such a sweet cousin to Laney because he spent quite a bit of time teaching her how to swim. I could definitely tell an improvement in her ability after Noah helped her. Noah was such a sweetie and also let me have his room every time I was at Paige's house. He is such a good kid.

The pool was also a perfect spot for a reunion with a friend, Lauren, who I haven't seen in a long time...a really long time...20 years! I can't believe that I am old enough to have not seen someone in 20 years. I believe one of the marks of a true friend is that you can not have seen each other in a long time and pick right back up where you left. It was like that for us. I have admired Lauren for a long time and have always felt like she has made lemonade out of the lemons that life gave to her. Sadly, there are no pics...I can't believe that we didn't take any pictures. I was so interested in catching up that I forgot about taking some.

I knew when I made the decision to be gone from home for so long that we were all going to miss Steve who had to stay behind to work. But, plenty of phone conversations made him not seem so far away! Missing him so much made for a happy reunion when he arrived at the lake.

Speaking of missing daddy...one day I said to Alayna, "I am missing daddy will you please make his face?"

She did! She knew exactly what I was talking about. It made me laugh out loud and not miss him so much. Steve makes this face on occasion and Laney has picked up on it and will give it right back. Daddy's met his match in his little princess. From that point forward, I saw this look a lot from her. She knew it would elicit a laugh from anyone close enough to see it.

Buff is so much fun to be around! And, as usual, he made sure adventures were to be had. The funniest one to me, and even funnier to hear him tell is our kayak adventure. Let's just suffice it to say that, "He almost killed me!" He even admitted that he didn't want to be that guy, the one "who killed Tiercy." The short of it was that we set out to kayak from their old house to their new house and night approached a lot faster than the other coastline that we were headed towards, so we had to abandon our plan and kayak across the bay the next morning.

Laney fell --okay, actually, Tyler accidentally dropped her when he was walking on the jetty and he stepped on something that was hurting his foot--and now she has a scar to show from our trip. I was at the house making lunch for everyone when Brenna comes running up from the beach in Cape Charles, Virginia, to let me know that Alayna was hurt and might need stitches. Right then I gave myself a pep talk telling myself I was going to stay in control and calm. It worked and I was really proud of myself. In the end, the doctor decided that he could super glue it. A win win for everyone!

You know what makes a scar even better...when you have a cool Uncle Andy who turns it into a smiley face.

You wanna know one of my favorite things about Maryland? Hard shell crabs. So yummy!

So after doing this all day,

Robin and Buff took us to dinner so that my kiddos could experience them too. Oh they were so good!!

But I think Grayson liked them the most; at least, as decorations. =)

Laney had her first manicure while we were in Maryland. Over the phone, Paige had been telling Laney should would take her for months. Laney held her to that and loved every minute of it!

She actually picked a really cute color...I wasn't sure from the bottle though. And, she was very specific that she wanted sparkles. She got them and loved it! Oh, Brenna and I were invited along too. We made it a girl's day out.

Aunt Paige, I have been forgetting to tell you that Laney keeps asking me to take her again. She loved the experience so much.

Life at Deep Creek Lake (1 of 3)

I am so grateful to my mom for providing a week of fun for us at Deep Creek Lake. Although things were a little off, the weather, a little bit of family drama, the beds...at the end of the day we are family, and we love each other. I remember when I was little my mom would tell me that my siblings would be my best friends...I admit, I didn't believe, but she was so right. I couldn't imagine my life without my siblings. I know that geographically I am so far away, but my family is close so it doesn't matter. We keep the phone companies in business. LOL.

I really enjoy being around them so much! They.Get.Me!

They.Get.Me

Words can not express how much that means to me. I love them even more for it.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the week (at the end, I will dish on two of my favs and why):

Brenna, Laney, Jake, Kyle, Ethan

InSync

Okay, this is one of my favs, because it is one of the few pictures that shows how beautiful a lake in the East is surrounded by trees. The trees that are so abundant in the east and that I marvel at when I am "home" are so sparse in the valley where I live. Of course they are in the mountains in abundance, but you have to go to them, whereas in the East, you are surrounded by them everywhere.

Brenna and Ethan found plenty to keep them busy while they were waiting for their turn on the boat. The kids who were waiting usually played on the extra tubes or the kayaks.

Even the big "kids" had fun skiing.

These next two pics have to be my absolute favorites and sum up the week for me.

P.S. Paige, I really wanted to thank you for being my photographer and getting such great pictures for me! I think my camera is going to meet with an unhappy "accident". lol

Cool as a Cucumber

That's Tyler!

He had quite the "adventure" the other day. Only, he was cool as a cucumber as if getting locked in the bathroom at Mom Mom's house happens everyday. So I don't really know if it was an adventure for him after all.

I was cuddling with Laney in bed and enjoying my time with her. Then I heard a knocking and I thought, "Ugh, what are my boys doing now." But, it didn't last very long. About 20 minutes later Laney and I go downstairs to eat some breakfast.

We found Pop Pop Al and Ethan in the bathroom. Al volunteers the information that Tyler has disappeared. Huh? I look at Ethan for confirmation and he says that Tyler was in the bathroom. Always the mom, I thought I better go check on.

I knocked on the door to see if he was okay. He very calmly responds that he is fine, but that he was locked in the bathroom. I couldn't believe how calm he was being. I immediately told him that it is fine and we will get him out. Who am I kidding, that wasn't for him but rather for my benefit. I was trying to make sure that I was staying in control.

So, Al tries a few things without success. I was starting to wonder if there was a window and if Ty would be able to climb through it. At this point, I see Al pass a small screwdriver under the door to Ty. Al then proceeds to tell Tyler that he needs to unscrew the screws on both sides of the doorknob. I was skeptical wondering if they would be able to be unscrewed because of how old they are. And, Tyler did think they were hard to unscrew. But, within seconds the door opened and I saw my son's face...as calm as if this happened everyday.

I still am amazed at his calmness.

He didn't get it from me.

LOL